I’ve had some onboardings that were terrific. Thoughtful. You could tell somebody sat down and really asked, “What would it take for someone to feel set up?” And then I’ve had the other kind. The “we got a Word doc, good luck” kind. The kind where the person onboarding you is clearly just making stuff up as they go. And if we’re being honest? That’s way more common.

Here’s what I keep seeing missing.

Nobody Walks Through It Like a New Person

So many processes are written in theory. In theory, they’ll log in here. In theory, they’ll know to click that. In theory, they’ll figure it out. But has anyone actually sat down, with fresh eyes, and gone step by step?

I mean really… give it to somebody outside the department, or at least someone who doesn’t live and breathe the process, and see if they can make it through without asking, “Wait… what does that mean?” Because the gaps are everywhere.

Acronyms Will Kill You

The amount of brainpower people waste on acronyms during onboarding is wild. It’s not that they don’t know how to do the job. It’s that half their energy is going to decoding whatever insider alphabet soup you’re speaking.

SLA, RTO, QBR—what are we even saying? And if you’re the one onboarding? You should be saying the full word every single time until the person can finish the sentence with you. Respect what people bring to the table, yes, but stop pretending they speak your company’s secret language on day one.

By the Book vs. Real Life

You know this one. The handbook says one thing, but the trainer says, “Oh we don’t really do it like that.”

So now the new hire has to figure out—do I follow the book? Or do I listen to the person I actually have to work with? Either way, I look wrong. Either way, I look green. And all of this could be solved if leadership just aligned on the message before throwing it at someone new.

The Loneliness Nobody Talks About

This one gets ignored constantly. New hires get told, “Oh, you’ll meet everybody eventually.” Really? How? By wandering around awkwardly and inserting themselves into conversations?

No. It is not the job of the new person to go prove they belong. It’s the job of the existing team to welcome them. And I don’t mean a 25-person parade on day one. I mean staggered, intentional waves of connection. Week one: learn their name, say hello. Week two: ask them how they’re settling in. Week three: invite them into something. Belonging doesn’t happen by accident.

Not Everyone Should Train

And let me say this as clear as I can: not everybody should be training new hires. Just because you’ve been there the longest doesn’t mean you have the heart to teach.

The best trainers are the ones who can step back into those shoes and remember what it felt like to be new. They know the work matters, yes, but they also know the emotional toll of trying to learn while you feel lost. That’s a totally different posture than “I’ve been here forever, watch me.”

Where’s the Leadership?

And leadership… whew. Nothing kills morale faster than never hearing from the people at the top.

It takes five seconds to send a Slack message. Two minutes to stop by. That tiny gesture from a leader says more than a hundred pages of onboarding material. Because if people perceive their leadership cares about them, they’re bought in. And if they don’t? Good luck keeping them engaged.

“Good Enough” Docs Aren’t Good Enough

Last piece. Resources. Watching someone else do it is not onboarding. Being told “it’s in the manual” is not onboarding.

People need clear, accessible resources they can go back to, without digging through a 2017 SharePoint folder. And those resources need to actually match the work, not just the dream version of the work someone wrote down years ago.

So Let Me Ask You…

Have you had an onboarding that made you feel set up? Or one that made you question your entire life choice by day two?

Because here’s what I know: onboarding isn’t just about tasks. It’s about belonging, clarity, and alignment. And if those are missing, no amount of free coffee or welcome swag is going to keep somebody from checking LinkedIn during lunch.