I’m Bad at Names, But I’ll Get It
By Devin, who still gets called “David” and is actively fighting for his name’s life
Let me start with a little disclaimer ‼️
This article isn't just for the folks who are bad at remembering names. This is for those who also get their names botched, even when you say it real slow, two times, looking them dead in the eye.
This is about perspective. Because part of being people is understanding other people. And part of understanding people is realizing that learning names isn’t just a you problem. It’s an us problem.
Let me tell you how this all hit me. In a McDonald’s drive-thru line of all places.
The Cookies Were Right, My Name Was Not
So I'm in the McDonald’s line. If you don’t know, the cookies SLAP, but only if you ask for them fresh. They won't make just one or two fresh and will sometimes microwave a few but to really get them fresh, get a dozen. Actually, the term is a Baker’s Dozen which means 13. I like to believe it’s because somebody in the kitchen gets to taste one for quality control. That’s the story I’ve made up in my head, and if it's not the truth and you try to correct me, I’m blocking you… immediately.
Anyway, I tell the speaker I have a mobile order for “Devin.”
I pull up. The young man hands me my receipt and says, “Daybin?”
My name has been pronounced all kinds of ways — Davy, Devin, Davon, Dabbin, David, Devine. The man said “Day-bin”. That wasn't the first time I've heard it that way.
Now, you might be thinking: “Maybe English wasn’t his first language.” And you’d be right. But let’s not act like native speakers get it right 100% of the time.
But it made me wonder. Why do people misread or mispronounce even simple names when they’re spelled right in front of them? It might seem like a small thing, but it’s not. A name is never just a name. It carries weight. Stories. Identity. I’ll come back to that part. First, let’s talk about what your brain is doing when it fumbles.
It's Your Brain… That Meat Computer Is Faulty
Turns out, some languages don’t even have the sounds or letters that we do. So when someone sees a name that doesn’t fit their language “schema”, which is basically the brain’s mental file cabinet, they try to match it to what they already know.
It’s like when a toddler sees a dog for the first time, and you say “That’s a dog.” Then they see a cat, point, and say “dog”. But you have to teach them it's something different. They used the criteria you gave. Four legs, fur, cute and cuddly. But it's a new category. The brain is learning how to sort things. It either needs new cabinets or new files for that cabinet. It’s doing the best it can, but its not perfect. 🐕
Same goes for names. Except names are deeply personal. You can’t always guess based on appearance or sound. There’s no visual cue like “four legs and fur.” It’s a unique way to identify someone. And unless someone helps you reinforce it, that file folder might never get created.
But just because it’s hard doesn’t mean you get a pass…
So yeah, the science explained why it happens. Cool. But it didn’t give me a tool to actually fix it. That’s when Auntie Patti LaBelle came through and taught me how to trick my brain.
Learning Names Is a Skill, Not a Gift
Let me tell you what worked for me.
There’s a song called, “Lady Marmalade” by Patti LaBelle. You know, the one about hooking in the streets of New Orleans? "HEY JOE, YOU WANNA GIVE IT A GO?" 😏 Yeah! There’s a line in there: “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?”
Baby, I could not figure it out. I replayed that line like 80 times. Still didn’t get it. So I looked up the lyrics, and even when I saw them, I couldn’t pronounce them. It may as well have been hieroglyphics.
So I did something different. I grabbed a sheet of paper, wrote what I thought I was hearing, and created my own cheat code. I made my own version that my brain could latch onto. "VOO-LAY-VOO-COO-SHAY-AH-VAY-MWAH-SAY-SWAH". I practiced it over and over until it became second nature.
It clicked. That was my tool!!!
If your brain doesn’t hold it when you hear it… write it down.
If you don’t retain it when you see it… say it out loud.
If it doesn’t stick no matter what… make it stick.
Why? Because what’s in the name is what’s important.
What’s In a Name? Everything.
Pain is in a name. Struggle is in a name. Generational heartbreak, Black joy, ancestral pride, immigrant grit, love, hope, redemption, all of it can be tucked inside just a few syllables.
A name holds stories. It holds lineage. One day, your name will be carved into a tombstone, and you would want someone to get it right. Right?
So why not start practicing now?
Mispronouncing a name over and over says: I don’t care enough to try.
Getting it right says: I see you. I see the degrees you earned. I see the jobs you didn’t get. I see the applications tossed, the callbacks skipped, the interviews cut short, just because of the name at the top of the page. I see what your name carries and I choose to carry it with care.
And what really gets me? The name wasn’t even yours to choose. But somehow, it became yours to defend.
Sometimes You Gotta Trick Your Brain
If your brain needs help remembering, give it help.
Some people need flashcards.
Some folks need to break names down by syllable.
Some of y’all need to whisper the name 18 times in your car before you walk into the building.
And when you do? Go find that person first while it’s still fresh.
Do what you gotta do until the flashcard fades, the training wheels come off, and the name rolls off your tongue like you’ve known it forever.
Because what’s in a name?
So much.
It’s not about how difficult the name is. It’s about how you process it and whether you care enough to figure that out.
So my question to you is… if you can say "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"… do think you handling learning and caring enough to learn your coworkers' name that helped you move your desk across the room? Cause Mary Poppins isn't coming sweetheart.
